Monday, April 20, 2009

What you've been waiting for... or not.

I have been meaning to update this thing for awhile now, but since this is the first I have gotten to it, you can imagine where it falls on my list of priorities.  *blush*

I finished my last exam on Friday and have found out that I indeed passed all of my classes with a B+ or higher.  I am finished the program and now have to get back out into the world of working for a living. *pout* lol  I have an interview on Wednesday and hope that it goes well.  Mostly because from what I have heard I would fit in well that office, but also because then I don't have to keep looking for another job. *laughs*

I have been cleaning and organizing my house over the past while.  We got ourselves into a tizzy of cleaning over Easter when my husbands Nan came over for Easter dinner.  It was so nice to have her over and she seemed to have a good time.  But we cleaned up a significant amount and I even continued to after that day, so now my house is beginning to look MUCH better.  :)  There are of course a few things that still need to be done, and I expect that will be the same forever.  I am one who can always think of something else that can be done... I just don't always get around to doing it.  *wry smile*

My husband and I have yet to decide what we are going to do for our 1st anniversary trip.  We can't seem to agree, and one of us isn't looking into his option... so informed decisions are hard to make.  Maybe it will not be until June or July before we make a decision... lol.

I have been trying to decide what it is in life that I truly enjoy doing.  Dental Office Receptionist may become my occupation I do not believe that it is my vocation.  But perhaps what I am called to do is something that I will do outside of the workforce.  It is funny how I wonder more now about what I will do with my life than I did before I decided to go to school.  In the years of 2006 through the end of 2007 I was involved in things various places that created in me a satisfaction and contentment that I received outside of my occupation.  So while I did not intend to be working at Wal~Mart for the rest of my life, I was also not in any hurry to find something else that would not afford me the flexibility to be involved in those things that brought me a sense of accomplishment.  I guess what I am looking for at the moment (not very hard, mind you)  is something that will give me a similar sense of accomplishment... but where do I find it?  And in what guise will it be?

I have on my ipod the 'sermons' that I wrote and spoke at Esquimalt United during the spring/summer of 2007.  When I listen to those, I feel a call to be doing something like that again.  The living into the scripture that happened when planning a service and writing a sermon was something that helped me to define, in part, who I was.  The need to bring something out of myself that was at it's very essence personal and unique, but touched that same part in others.  To be able to think through and speak out a faith that is not perfect, but a journey, day by day, with Christ with the goal of being a vessel of His light in the world.  I miss having an outlet to talk like that... Y'a know?  It's a different language, the language of faith, and I kinda miss having a place to speak out, work out, deepen and share the language that sometimes comes from outside ourselves.  I miss creating experiences, and cohesive themes.  I miss having a reason to fiddle on the computer, creating power points, brochures, outlines....  I miss growing as a person as I worked, struggled, listened, felt challenged and challenged others.  But I don't think I feel comfortable enough to open myself again.   A friend of mine asked about whether I was going to church, and my answer must have held some guilt...  She began to say how she didn't think that God needed us to go to church, and wouldn't be mad if I didn't.  It was then I truly defined in my head my fear.  I still feel connected to God, and miss the way I used to worship before... but mostly I do not miss church.  God has never, ever, made me feel insignificant, worthless, useless and wrong.  God has never told me in one breath that I was wonderful while with the other told me that all I was doing was not right.  God has never tried to force me to do something I did not feel I could/would/wanted to do.  God and I are tight.  Jesus is my saviour.  The cross is the grounding point of my faith.  Jesus and I are tight.  People I am not so sure about.  As Christians we are called to forgive and to see the light in others.  That is my challenge.  To forgive and love Everyone.  But I suspect that I am not the only one with that challenge.  All I do know is this:  God is good, Jesus is Lord and I am a child of God.


Better Half Blog said...


Nikki2987 said...

I miss reading about and listening to you talk about your faith.
I know that in person I'm not the most outspoken person about my faith... however I love reading about yours. How deeply rooted and connected you are to God is so inspiring. Renee, it doesn't matter if you are speaking in front of a crowd or writing it in your blog... you are reaching out to someone.

Is it a possibility that you could write sermons on here? This could be a way for my to think about my faith on a more regular basis and a way for you to explore the faith you love exploring...

Just a thought!

I love you Renee!!