Hmmm....

As I walked out of school yesterday, the first step out the door, I was hit in the face with the brisk smell of fall.  In that moment, in that one step I felt almost as if the poetry  of my soul was being called on by something.  God?  Mother Nature?  The Trees?  Whatever the thing that called, it made my soul shift a little in the center of myself.  It did not last long, nor did it leave me with any kind of calling to create or compose, but that one moment, hardly even longer than one breath, has given a sort of hope.

Hope?, you ask....

I was once very active in my church, and with the leaders of that church I grew in my faith in ways I had not believed possible.  Then in a period of time that seemed like the buildings in the city of my life crumbling to dust, I was hurt.  It is hard to explain just how deep this hurt went, and just how long(unknown to me) it would stay in my heart.  But it made me a little sad, and with that sadness (with the church, not with Jesus) came a sort of vacation from my faith.  Now I hear you asking, "how can you take a vacation from your faith?"  It's actually kind of easy.  Just focus all of your attention on the little things.  Shopping, work, housecleaning, reading, sleeping.... you get the idea.  Anyway, because of this vacation, I was beginning to wonder, how was I going to get back to my faith, when I was positive that I would no longer be comfortable worshiping where I was before, and had no idea where to go from there.  I missed the wrestling that I did every week a I took part in planing the worship services.  I missed steeping myself in the theme and word for the week, being part of that worship, but there were no places that I knew of where I could do that sort of thing.  I had kind of decided that I didn't need to go to a church to continue to be faithful, but I had nothing in place to keep me faithful.  So I just kept on with my vacation.

Then one day,  I realized that if I kept looking for the same thing I had before I would just simply continue to sit around. So...  As I stepped out the school and was hit by that 'something' it moved my soul, nudged it and said, open.  Open to the possibilities of worship in any and all places.  Open to the call in every part of the world, every part of your self.  It lasted, not much longer than a breath, but in that breath, hope.

So on sunday, I'm going to church with some people, not that place of old, that place is in the past, but trying out new stuff.  Opening my heart to the possibilities, to worship in everything, anywhere.

Phew.