Tuesday, June 14, 2011
What has she been up to??
Wow, it certainly has been a fabulously long time since I wrote anything here. Funnily enough, it seems that my life practically come full circle since this time last year. My beautiful and clever Goddaughter has come back to town in, I think, a brilliant move by her Mother and I have the exciting job of looking after her again. have also been working at Michaels craft store since, soon after my last post, October. I am finding my days busy but so far not unpleasantly so. Tomorrow is my 26th birthday and I have been spoiled rotten already by my fabulous family and get to continue to be since my entire family is coming out with me tomorrow to Karaoke!!! And that includes my non-singing, slightly anti-social husband. :) (He is soooooo sweet to me!!!!!) I have some frustrations and decisions and troubles, but all in all am so incredibly blessed and that overshadows everything.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Searching...
I had the amazing and wonderful chance to look after a 2 year old girl for almost a year. She also happened to be my Goddaughter. I am so grateful that I was able to be at a point in my life that allowed me to do that job-that-was-no-job and look after while her mom was at work. She is a precious, adorable, intelligent little package of trouble and I am so grateful for her and her mother every day. But as life is wont to do, changes happened and they moved away (just far enough, but not too far) and I am now looking for a job.
I have to admit that looking for a job is an amazingly difficult thing to quantify. There are no specific measurements of how well the hunt is going, or even feedback in order to improve your search. It's like yelling out into a void, and hoping for an answer that is more than an echo.
I can count how many resumes I have sent out or how many interviews I have had, but as I continue to remain jobless there is a certain useless quality to the number. And as the months roll on, there begins to be a certain useless quality to my self esteem.
It's funny the way people define their self-worth. The fact that nameless people who have seem my resume or interviewed me and not offered me a job might find me lacking in some way... at times really hits hard. Stupid, I know... logically only I can define my own worth, but there are days when my joblessness is all I can see.
I am so blessed. I have family and friends who are supportive and caring. I have a husband who is patient and loving. I have a hobby I enjoy and have been using my free time to that advantage.... And I know that in the end, it's God's plan, and only He knows it. But like anything worthwhile, waiting for God to reveal that plan is hard. And some times remembering that I am being held by Him is very, very hard. I question my worth, and usefulness. I question Him. And in the end have nothing more than I began. Which is more than nothing... In the end all I have is the knowledge that this is all His plan, and I simply must have faith that just as God provides for the earth, so he will provide for me. And He never promised it would be easy.
And so some days my heart breaks over the past, and a little girl I now don't get to see as often as I would like. And I just keep trying to find my place in the world outside this cozy home and family. And I see the truth in the lyrics of "For Good" from 'Wicked'...
...I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them....
...So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a hand print on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Be well, my friends.
Goodnight.
I have to admit that looking for a job is an amazingly difficult thing to quantify. There are no specific measurements of how well the hunt is going, or even feedback in order to improve your search. It's like yelling out into a void, and hoping for an answer that is more than an echo.
I can count how many resumes I have sent out or how many interviews I have had, but as I continue to remain jobless there is a certain useless quality to the number. And as the months roll on, there begins to be a certain useless quality to my self esteem.
It's funny the way people define their self-worth. The fact that nameless people who have seem my resume or interviewed me and not offered me a job might find me lacking in some way... at times really hits hard. Stupid, I know... logically only I can define my own worth, but there are days when my joblessness is all I can see.
I am so blessed. I have family and friends who are supportive and caring. I have a husband who is patient and loving. I have a hobby I enjoy and have been using my free time to that advantage.... And I know that in the end, it's God's plan, and only He knows it. But like anything worthwhile, waiting for God to reveal that plan is hard. And some times remembering that I am being held by Him is very, very hard. I question my worth, and usefulness. I question Him. And in the end have nothing more than I began. Which is more than nothing... In the end all I have is the knowledge that this is all His plan, and I simply must have faith that just as God provides for the earth, so he will provide for me. And He never promised it would be easy.
And so some days my heart breaks over the past, and a little girl I now don't get to see as often as I would like. And I just keep trying to find my place in the world outside this cozy home and family. And I see the truth in the lyrics of "For Good" from 'Wicked'...
...I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them....
...So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a hand print on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Be well, my friends.
Goodnight.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Team Eli
Just something fun from something David Blue said on Twitter. lol
**I do not own these images of David or Bryan, or the SGU logo, this is for fun only, I have no connection to the show or it's marketing.**
**I do not own these images of David or Bryan, or the SGU logo, this is for fun only, I have no connection to the show or it's marketing.**
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Dancing through Life....
I have found myself needing a 'musical fix' and so have been listening to Wicked and I Love You Because (A Modern Day Musical Love Story) with a little Les Mis thrown in for good measure.
But anyway, here is what is on my mind....
I am turning 25 this month, and while for ages I believed people were ridiculous to be anxious about just another year among (hopefully) many, many years, I am finding myself not unaffected by the upcoming anniversary. And while I believe this is the reason behind the frame of mind I find myself in, it is possibly only a small part (only God knows)...
I have been spending the last year (more than that, really) working on my faith and focusing on what plan God has for me, and what talents he has gifted me with... And while I feel like I have grown much over this learning, I seem to have run into a wall.
Part of me says,
"Pray, and work harder to discover what it is that is blocking you, God will help you move/remove it."
While the other part of me says,
"I don't want to. Can't I just stay here? I am comfortable here. I am willing to move forward, but don't want to be going at such a pace."
The part of me that wants to stay still is louder... If this were a tug-o-war it would be the winner.
I know what I would say to someone else if they came to me with this. Something along the lines of:
"Change is not always comfortable."
"So far, whenever you have gone forward, despite how hard or uncomfortable it has been, hasn't it been worth it?"
"Running away never solves anything."
"Everyone had walls/hard places they have to overcome. It's part of life. It's part of becoming the person God intends you to be. There is no 'escaping' life. There is no 'escaping' God."
And yet, even as I know that in my head, my heart cries out,
"Don't I deserve a sabbatical? Can't I simply drift in the blessings of family God has given me? Must you push me?"
I supposed that you could say I am tired. You could say that I am giving up. What I can say for sure is that there is a distinct backing off I feel happening in me. A decision to relegate myself to 'luke-warm' status as a Christian, and take myself out of the flow, for now. I think a part of it comes from this crazy system upheaval that my turning 25 has surprisingly begun. But also I think it stems from a habit I picked up in my youth. When things get hard, when you feel overwhelmed, back off. You can't be found foolish if you don't participate. And even knowing that, even knowing all the things to say.... I still hear a "give me time" from my heart, a calling out for a slower pace.
This has been building in me for a couple of weeks... and I think this is it's voice. Now, what do I do with it?
But anyway, here is what is on my mind....
I am turning 25 this month, and while for ages I believed people were ridiculous to be anxious about just another year among (hopefully) many, many years, I am finding myself not unaffected by the upcoming anniversary. And while I believe this is the reason behind the frame of mind I find myself in, it is possibly only a small part (only God knows)...
I have been spending the last year (more than that, really) working on my faith and focusing on what plan God has for me, and what talents he has gifted me with... And while I feel like I have grown much over this learning, I seem to have run into a wall.
Part of me says,
"Pray, and work harder to discover what it is that is blocking you, God will help you move/remove it."
While the other part of me says,
"I don't want to. Can't I just stay here? I am comfortable here. I am willing to move forward, but don't want to be going at such a pace."
The part of me that wants to stay still is louder... If this were a tug-o-war it would be the winner.
I know what I would say to someone else if they came to me with this. Something along the lines of:
"Change is not always comfortable."
"So far, whenever you have gone forward, despite how hard or uncomfortable it has been, hasn't it been worth it?"
"Running away never solves anything."
"Everyone had walls/hard places they have to overcome. It's part of life. It's part of becoming the person God intends you to be. There is no 'escaping' life. There is no 'escaping' God."
And yet, even as I know that in my head, my heart cries out,
"Don't I deserve a sabbatical? Can't I simply drift in the blessings of family God has given me? Must you push me?"
I supposed that you could say I am tired. You could say that I am giving up. What I can say for sure is that there is a distinct backing off I feel happening in me. A decision to relegate myself to 'luke-warm' status as a Christian, and take myself out of the flow, for now. I think a part of it comes from this crazy system upheaval that my turning 25 has surprisingly begun. But also I think it stems from a habit I picked up in my youth. When things get hard, when you feel overwhelmed, back off. You can't be found foolish if you don't participate. And even knowing that, even knowing all the things to say.... I still hear a "give me time" from my heart, a calling out for a slower pace.
This has been building in me for a couple of weeks... and I think this is it's voice. Now, what do I do with it?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
My Sister, A Song
Hey, so I wrote a song. Just a little ditty for my sister. It's been building itself in my head since last weekend when Nikki and I "road tripped" up to Nanaimo. This is my first ever YouTube video... It was quickly put together just to get the song up so Nikki could have it. Thought I would share it though.
Enjoy!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thirsty....
I am not entirely sure where this train of thought came from, but I am going to share it with you anyway... :) Enjoy!
There is a book that I have been meaning to read for awhile now, and have yet to get around to. I have read the first chapter, and it has only cemented my intention. Max Lucado, an author whom I love and that has a beautiful way with words and a clear and strong Heart for God, wrote a book titled "Come Thirsty", a simple yet powerful statement. For some reason for I don't know really for how long, this statement has been percolating in me. Then, last week, during the sermon time at Adore the pastor mentioned the story of the Samaritan woman who met Jesus at the Well. (John 4:1-42) about how Jesus offered her Living Water, Water that, if you partook, you would never thirst again. It seemed that this topic would add to itself until I let it out.
Have you been to see James Cameron's Avatar? (I have seen it three times, and enjoyed it all three of them, but I digress.) One of the lines that it said is; "It is hard to fill a cup that is already full." Think about it. If you come, with no room or openness in your heart, what then can fill your cup? That is the theory I have been wrestling with. If Jesus is Living Water, if Jesus wishes to fill our cup with life-giving, spirit-filled water with which to soothe our souls, what happens if our cup is already full. Already filled with our jobs and family and worries and plans.... What if we are like people in dry suits? Letting ourselves be surrounded by the grace and love of the holy water, but not being touched by it. Prevented by a layer of rubber suit, or doubt, or fear, or guilt.... It is easier, less frightening, more comfortable for us to insulate ourselves from the Holy then to chance that we might be touched or changed by it. And changed we would be. It is hard to truly open your whole self to the amazing gift of the cross and come away unchanged. Even those who have tasted the Living Water, who have met Jesus at the cross and declared him 'Saviour', might cap their cup and zip up that dry suit at times. Scripture says this: "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." John 7: 37-38
There is a book that I have been meaning to read for awhile now, and have yet to get around to. I have read the first chapter, and it has only cemented my intention. Max Lucado, an author whom I love and that has a beautiful way with words and a clear and strong Heart for God, wrote a book titled "Come Thirsty", a simple yet powerful statement. For some reason for I don't know really for how long, this statement has been percolating in me. Then, last week, during the sermon time at Adore the pastor mentioned the story of the Samaritan woman who met Jesus at the Well. (John 4:1-42) about how Jesus offered her Living Water, Water that, if you partook, you would never thirst again. It seemed that this topic would add to itself until I let it out.
Have you been to see James Cameron's Avatar? (I have seen it three times, and enjoyed it all three of them, but I digress.) One of the lines that it said is; "It is hard to fill a cup that is already full." Think about it. If you come, with no room or openness in your heart, what then can fill your cup? That is the theory I have been wrestling with. If Jesus is Living Water, if Jesus wishes to fill our cup with life-giving, spirit-filled water with which to soothe our souls, what happens if our cup is already full. Already filled with our jobs and family and worries and plans.... What if we are like people in dry suits? Letting ourselves be surrounded by the grace and love of the holy water, but not being touched by it. Prevented by a layer of rubber suit, or doubt, or fear, or guilt.... It is easier, less frightening, more comfortable for us to insulate ourselves from the Holy then to chance that we might be touched or changed by it. And changed we would be. It is hard to truly open your whole self to the amazing gift of the cross and come away unchanged. Even those who have tasted the Living Water, who have met Jesus at the cross and declared him 'Saviour', might cap their cup and zip up that dry suit at times. Scripture says this: "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." John 7: 37-38
But you can be standing knee deep in that stream of living water and still die of thirst, unless you bend down, scoop up some water and drink deep. And there is where the statement, "Come Thirsty" comes in. Wherever you go, Come Thirsty. With cup empty and waiting, with your whole self bared, no barriers to the grace, forgiveness and love that water carries. When I say cup empty it is to be consistent with the imagery I have already created with you, but what I truly imagine is this:
Water is truly amazing in that it can go so many places we cannot. Small cracks grant it access, hard rock yields to it's unending current. So my cup is this gorgeous marble vessel that just keeps getting deeper as the living water softens and washes away impurities... Meaning that I Come always with an open cup, ready to receive that awesome gift.
Thus I must always Come Thirsty. Come with a thirst and yearning for the love, grace and mercy of my God. Come with a thirst for the God who loved with such passion and depth that he sent His Son, a piece of Himself, to become flesh and die on the cross for my sin. Thirst for the God who was and is and is to come.
What is it that keeps you from coming with an open cup? What is the thing/thought/habit that virtually bundles you into that dry suit? Will you lay it at the Cross? Will you surrender it to Jesus and Come Thirsty?
Water is truly amazing in that it can go so many places we cannot. Small cracks grant it access, hard rock yields to it's unending current. So my cup is this gorgeous marble vessel that just keeps getting deeper as the living water softens and washes away impurities... Meaning that I Come always with an open cup, ready to receive that awesome gift.
Thus I must always Come Thirsty. Come with a thirst and yearning for the love, grace and mercy of my God. Come with a thirst for the God who loved with such passion and depth that he sent His Son, a piece of Himself, to become flesh and die on the cross for my sin. Thirst for the God who was and is and is to come.
What is it that keeps you from coming with an open cup? What is the thing/thought/habit that virtually bundles you into that dry suit? Will you lay it at the Cross? Will you surrender it to Jesus and Come Thirsty?
(Confused? Intrigued? Feel the need to discuss? Have a question? Please feel free to comment, and I would love to talk with You. Blessings, Renée)
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